


Man's Best Friend

by VigilantShadow



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 18:13:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11926449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VigilantShadow/pseuds/VigilantShadow
Summary: Robert goes looking for Mary at the animal shelter and finds a lifelong friend instead.





	Man's Best Friend

               Mary and Robert had a sort of agreement that they were only friends after dark. Or at the very least, that they only _talked_ after dark. It was an arrangement that suited both of them nicely, since Mary spent most of her days performing all of the duties expected of a pastor’s wife – aside from proper childcare, but Robert knew he couldn’t exactly criticize her on that front – and Robert spent most of his days in bed wondering if being awake was worth the hassle. By the time Mary was done with her volunteering, bake sale managing, and HOA meetings, Robert had usually just crawled out of bed, and by the time he was ready to go out and do something inadvisable all of Mary’s family was laying down to sleep for the night.

               Today, however, Robert had woken up early. For him. He had woken up at noon, and he wouldn’t tell anyone except maybe Mary that was early for him, because holy shit did that sound bad. Normally he only got out of the house this early when there was some sort of mandatory neighborhood event happening. But he hadn’t been able to get back to sleep, mind racing with the sort of heavy thoughts that might lead him someplace dangerous. So he’d gone to find Mary.

               Finding Mary turned out to be harder than he’d thought. She had at least six different volunteer gigs, and Robert had only heard about them when he was half-drunk or worse. Which meant that by the time he’d stumbled into the Maple Bay Animal Hospital – third on his list – he’d been searching for an hour and a half.

               He looked around, wincing as his still-fading hangover protested the yowling of hundreds of animals. Nope. No Mary immediately visible. She must have been somewhere else. He pulled out his list, a crinkled piece of paper labeled “where’s she at?” and tried to find a possibility he hadn’t checked yet.

               “Are you here to meet your new forever friend?” A voice asked from behind Robert, and it took all of his discipline not to take a boxing stance as he spun around. It was a good thing he _had_ that much discipline, because punching the man behind him would not have ended well.

               “Damien?” Robert asked, squinting to make sure that it wasn’t some sort of Damien-like imposter. No, that was definitely Damien. A Damien bereft of makeup or cape, but definitely Damien. Was this the sort of thing Robert missed by sleeping during the day?

               “Robert?” Damien seemed equally surprised, and also a little bit nervous. His hand twitched, as if to fiddle with a cape that wasn’t there. “What, uh, brings you here on such a lovely day?”

               “Uh, well…”

               Saying ‘I was feeling pathetic and lonely so I’ve spent the past four hours looking for my only friend’ sounded really bad out loud. Robert paused, trying to come up with an excuse that wouldn’t destroy his credibility. Before he could, however, Damien’s face lit up.

               “Oh! You must be here for the adoption weekend.”

               “The what?” Robert asked. “Actually, you know what. Yeah. Yeah. Let’s go with that.”

               Robert let his gaze drift behind Damien, coming to rest on a sign which sat on the adoption center’s unoccupied front desk. ‘ADOPTIONS FREE, THIS WEEK ONLY.’ The special didn’t seem to be helping; not only were there no potential adopters in the building, there were no other people _period,_ just the noise of too many animals.

               “Wonderful!” Damien clapped his hands together, seeming for a moment to forget how uncomfortable being caught at work had previously made him. “What sort of companion are you interested in?”

               _A stiff drink,_ Robert thought. He swallowed, his dry throat agreeing with the sentiment.

               “A…dog?” Robert guessed. People liked dogs, right? Robert hadn’t had a pet since Val’s hamster had died on her seventh birthday after having burrowed into her birthday cake, so he wasn’t exactly up to date on the animal scene. Nonetheless, his answer seemed to be acceptable. Damien nodded, looking Robert up and down. It reminded Robert of the time he’d accidentally complimented Damien’s flower arrangements, and the man had stood there for three solid minutes before flitting off to make the perfect bouquet for Robert’s personal tastes. Robert resigned himself to a long wait. Damien had accepted the challenge of finding Robert a pet, and he wouldn’t rest until he’d found one.

               Robert considered admitting his ruse, if only so he could get back to looking for Mary, but Damien had already disappeared into the back. Robert eyed the door longingly. No. He couldn’t walk out on Damien without a goodbye. If Damien took it as an insult, Mary would kill him. And besides, though Robert hadn’t interacted one-on-one with Damien often, the man seemed nice. Robert may pretend to be an asshole ninety-five percent of the time, but that didn’t mean he had to hurt someone’s feelings.

Damien peered out from the back again, and Robert’s chance to flee slipped away.

               “What sort of breed were you looking for?” He asked.

               “Well, it’d have to be something, you know…badass,” he said. He had an image to maintain, after all. Even if he wasn’t actually going to leave with a dog, he still had to make this whole thing convincing.

               Damien nodded, squinting thoughtfully. It was strange. Robert had thought Damien’s eyes would be less noticeable with eyeliner, but without the Goth getup to distract him he found himself noticing Damien’s face _more._ Robert stopped himself from that train of thought. He could think about how weird Damien’s day job outfit was later, when he wasn’t trying to figure out his own escape.

               After a moment, Damien’s face lit up. Robert didn’t like that look at _all._ Before he could say anything, back out of his attempts at a cover story and admit that he was just looking for Mary and therefore should be going right now, Damien darted away again. Robert cursed. A parakeet sitting in a cage near the entrance squawked at him. Robert sighed. He hoped he didn’t get in trouble for teaching the birds to swear.

               The door to the back opened, and Robert heard a high pitched squeak. A black and white blur darted out, colliding with Robert’s leg hard enough to make him stumble back a bit. Damien followed, looking embarrassed.

               “Sorry, she got away from me.”

               The Boston terrier took a short break from smashing her forehead against Robert’s shin to let out a happy bark. She tilted her head to the side, tongue lolling out of her mouth as if she’d completely forgotten it was supposed to be inside her mouth.

               “I know that she’s not exactly what you were thinking of…” Damien trailed off, and Robert could tell there was something else Damien wanted to say but wouldn’t. The dog went back to nuzzling his leg.

               _Oh god. She’s perfect,_ Robert thought, then froze. He was _not_ responsible enough to have a dog. Not responsible enough at all. He took a deep breath. He had to be strong.

               “Uh, yeah, I’m not sure-“

               The dog rolled onto her side, kicking her legs in the air. Against his will, Robert crouched down to scratch her stomach.

               “Of course,” Damien said, as if he expected that answer but was disappointed by it anyway. “It’s just…Betsy here has some difficulties, so she’s been here a while.”

               _Oh god. I’m going to adopt this dog aren’t I? I can’t adopt a dog. I can’t take care of a dog. I can’t take care of myself._

“Yeah, it’s just that hunting cryptids is dangerous. I’d need a partner who I don’t have to worry about.” Robert forced himself to stop scratching Betsy’s stomach. She whined.

               “I understand completely.” Damien smiled. It looked like he was going for a mournful expression, but Robert thought he could sense something conniving going on inside the other man’s head.

               “Well,” Robert said awkwardly, hoping to escape before he found out Damien’s plan, “I should, uh, go. I just remembered I have a thing to do. Right now. Yeah, right now.” He turned to go, striding to the door with what he hoped read as a confident air and opening the front door. The bell atop it jangled accusingly.

               “Don’t worry, Betsy,” Robert heard Damien tell Betsy, his voice wistful, “I’m sure we’ll find you someone before your time is up.”

               “What?” Robert asked, pivoting on his heels. Damien shrugged.

               “We only have so many resources, so we can’t keep dogs for too long. I’m afraid that poor Betsy doesn’t have long before we’ll need to make space for another animal.”

               Robert sighed through clenched teeth. Then he marched over, picked up Betsy, and jabbed a finger into Damien’s chest. Damien looked delighted.

               “Alright, so two things. One: this is manipulation and I’m both proud of you and pretty sure that this is some sort of…breach of ethics or whatever. Two: I’ll take the dog.”

               “My apologies for the underhandedness. It was very rude of me, but it was for the greater good.”

               “Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”

               “To show my remorse, I’ll even waive the adoption fee.”

               Robert snorted.

               “Yeah, yeah, of course you will.” He gestured to the sign on the table, “after all, I’m not sure I could swing the price otherwise. Free _is_ pretty expensive.”

               Damien smiled.

               “I’m not waiving the cost of dog food though.”

               Robert opened his mouth to give a proper comeback. Before he could come up with one, however, Betsy licked his face and ruined his train of thought. He supposed he could let Damien get the last laugh just once. 

 

 


End file.
